Superstition

Unbeknownst to you dear readers (i know you're there somewhere), it has come to my attention that i have reached my 666th page view, which while as victories go is relatively minor is a victory none the less. However i am not writing to gloat about my new found success, no, i just found the novelty of reaching this specific number intruiging, and if i was a superstitious i might consider it a bad omen. (i attribute my success to my superior segway skills)

Y'see i'm not superstitious in the slightest, i'm not spiritual, i don't believe in karma and Psychic Tv can go to hell. I am well and truely a skeptic, that said, however skeptical i claim i am, then why to i think that my things are out to get me, so as i write this here in my padded cell, with padded keys because of the incident with the Caps Lock key..........

Of course i jest (it was the space bar), i say this not out of madness but frustration, as much as we may not like to admit it there are things that we can't control. So while it's logical to assume that my phone doesn't have a brain, my internet isn't controlled by skynet and coffee tables weren't sent by satan out of a whimsical hatred of shin bones, it doesn't take away the fact that it has frustrated us, and when we are frustrated we need something or someone to shout at.

When you were younger did you ever hit your head on something (don't lie), i did, and out of anger do you know what i did? I hit back, even as young as i was i realised that this was fruitless and beds from Ikea don't feel pain (although they were actually invented by satan) i still needed to lash out and return the pain that i had just experienced.

Now i'm not saying everyone's still a little more childish than they think they are but.........

Stranger Danger

In the appartment building where i live i have a problem with one of the lifts. Firstly i'll contextualise, this lift, like every other lift in the universe has two sets of buttons, one set on either side, however on one side of this lift the button for my floor doesn't work. Now this isn't a complaint, this is a trivial problem which can easily be solved by using the button on the other side. However things get interesting when there are other people using the lift as they don't know that only one side works.

I think i'm paranoid somewhat, though while it's quite reasonable for me to go for the button to the one side, that's not always the first available option and i worry that it looks weird for me to go for the button that isn't available. So sometimes i do a little acting, i play ignorant, i pretend i don't know that only one button works, look shocked when it doesn't and press the button on the other side.

Why? Because in my mind it's better than simply telling someone "the button for my floor doesn't work." It's the same as when you find yourself in an embarrassing situation and you find you are compelled to yell to onlookers "this isn't what it looks like!" (mind, gutter, out) or "this doesn't usually happen to me!" But you don't you stand there and submissively go on with your business in front of onlookers (maybe you frown, tut or shake your head, so people know you're not happy about the situation)

So what conclusions have i drawn from this? Well firstly that we all care, however small an action or situation is we all care what people think, and secondly despite the leaps and bounds we have made in improving communication, and while by nature we may be social animals, we would rather the odd person misinterpreting a situation than having to talk to a complete stranger. (and i for one blame television)

Cool

I have decided that i will determine my own threshold of when i have become old and unhip, a point of no return if you will. At this point i will deem myself uncool. This will present me with two options a) reject social norms and regard them as the decadent new generation's new fangled fads which aren't as good as the things from my day or, b) delude myself into thinking i've 'still got it' and overcompensate to an embarressing degree.

This threshold i've decided on is simply "when the new norms, fads and culture confuse me so much, i have to stop and have a cup of tea."

However this has presented me with several problems. Firstly i was never particulary hip and cool to begin with (i think that notion went out the window when at the ripe age of 23 i decided to start wearing sweater vests to the pub). Secondly i am already confused by new norms, fads and culture, what the hell is YOLO!?! Seriously! Also a cup of earl grey english breakfast would be great as i'm starting to get a headache.

One thing that has me particulary confused is when people use the number 2 instead of spelling out to or too. It's 2 or 3 letters! Is there really a considerable enough time or space saved when you use 1 or 2 letters less. I mean it's understandable when it's in marketing, it saves money on letters in advert materials. But saving a millisecond when you're telling your mate where to go really can't be that vital.

Now i wouldn't consider myself a grammar nazi, i mean i joke around, but you just need to look and the spelling and structure of this blog to see example of spelling mistakes and bad grammar (that cookie is still in the fridge by the way). But it's not the fact that it's not conforming to time honoured rules of english that have made it possible to people to understand each other for centuries (it's not like that's important or anything). It is merely confusion that any benefit is derived from the time saved typing one or two letters less. I mean i know time is our most important resource (until the next war in the middle east anyway) but this is a little silly. (man i could use a cup of tea)

The moral of the story is.... um, be yourself? As Ke$ha the wisest of public folk says, We r who we r.

P.S Eat your heart out Aesop!

Playing devils advocate

So today i'm going to embrace my inner pretentious git and class this blog up a bit with something considerably more high brow than killing cats and my opinions on the entertainment industry (and self depricating comments inserted within brackets). I'm going to talk about someone who may or may not existed, a man named Socrates, a man who was killed for pissing off the wrong people, by playing a game i like to call devils advocate.

I'll set the scene, this is the end of the golden age of Athens, this noble city has been beseiged and thoroughly defeated by the Spartans, and the athenians are looking for a scapegoat. Meanwhile Socrates in his infinite wisdom has been creating a new tradition, critisizing the state in the time of war. Now athenians, being a traditional, family values, heavily religious society obviously took umbrage to this and were pissed off.. Not only were they pissed off about this toga wearing upstart asking the wrong questions but they were also annoyed about his blasphemy. Socrates claimed he was on a mission from God. (He should be played by Dan Aykroyd if they make a movie about him.)

But i don't think it was a mission from God, i think he was just bored.

I think he was just bored of thoughless acceptance, because thoughtless acceptance is boring (and starts wars and removes civil liberties), and how did he alleviate his boredom? By playing devils advocate (or using the socratic method or whatever).

How do you play? I hear you ask, well it's very simple, first you have to see or hear a statement, do you have an opinion? Does it agree with the statement you just heard? Then throw it straight out because no one likes a circle jerk! Finally (and this is the hard part) you present a contrary view.

This is win/win, if you agree with the statement then it makes you seem more fair and balanced (and makes you feel cunning like a fox) and can even strengthen the statement you agree with. If you disagree then you get the fun of a heated arguement.

Just try not to end up with a black eye (or a stomach full of hemlock).

Also Devils Advocate home edition will be available for $19.99, call now and you geta free toga.

Sayings

There are certain things that people say that seem to be accepted as some kind of universal wisdom. Things said so often that no one really sits down and thinks about what they really mean or what could be implied by these so called "truths".

For example take "curiosity killed the cat." On the surface it's simple, cat sees dangerous thing (e.g meat grinder), cat doesn't know what dangerous thing is, cat investigates dangerous thing, cat becomes puddle on the floor (i'm not a cat person).

However what's implied here is that all curiousity is bad, that maybe 500 years ago Magellan should have been told to step away from his boats, you never know what lurks in the sea, or maybe that Alexander Fleming should put down his test tubes.

Now you might say to me "hey, you're using the saying incorrectly, it's only meant to be said about things that look dangerous." Now i don't mean to be pedantic (well only a little bit), but the saying doesn't say being curious about dangerous things killed the cat, which leaves the assumption that ANY curiosity can kill a cat.

Now i'm thinking about it, is it just me or do people who say "curiosity killed the cat." up to something. like they know something that you don't, like if something 'happened' to go wrong they would have the advantage of plausable deniability if they were called out on it, but paranoia aside.......

Now we've all heard the saying "you have to break a few eggs to make an omelette." Now wouldn't it be convenient if all we had to do to create innovation was to kill a few cats?
 

Sunday

What word do you think of when you think of sunday? There are the regular cliches, 'lazy' (if you're an average joe), 'holy' (if you're religious) or bloody (if you're U2, an Irish republican or Alan Partridge). But i had a different thought as i found myself awaken at 1pm on Sunday. Sunday is an afterthought, pure and simple that is the best way to describe it.

You may wonder what i mean by that and naturally it's as shallow as it sounds. Sunday is a day to be missed, it's the day you sleep through a hangover or take a stroll through the park and smell the roses.

But it's not as bad as it sounds, i mean as bad as suggesting the positives of wasting a day could be perceived, but this is entirely necessary. This is a day worth of downtime, no real social or work related obligations (though one can socialise if one so chooses). In this fast paced world who can say no to Sundays charms?

So i raise a glass to poor forgotten Sunday, the unsung hero that keeps us all from going insane, a day that has the misfortune of being followed by Monday. Next time i awake in the aftermath of a (subjectively) well spent saturday, i may whisper a thank you to Sunday.

The everyman

So if you asked me who my favourite member of The Beatles was you would be suprised to know the answer is longer than you think. It shows i distinct different between who "the best" is and which beatles i form a connection with. That in itself is 2 seperate questions.

The question of who is the best is obvious, Paul Mccartney. He is the best one objectively, best musician, best singer and questionably best song writer. But which Beatle resonates with me?

The long and short of it is that my favourite beatle isn't really all that important, it's what it says about my character. Who i consider the everyman.

In fiction the everyman is there to give the audience someone to relate to, most likely an observer, acting as an audience surrogate (that's probably the best way to figure out the target audience of a film).

I'm a believer that the best things come in 4, sometimes instead of giving us an everyman as an audience surrogate we are given 4 to choose from, a sort of "pin the everyman on the character." Four manufactured personalites creating a net, as if audience members were fish to be caught. A large enough range so a larger chunk of people identify with at least one person in the piece of work.

Lets take Seinfeld as an example, you have Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine. Jerry for the egotistical, George for the self loathing, Kramer for the eccentric and Elaine for the nuerotic.

So who is my favourite beatle? It's probably George, as a lover of the obscure.How could i not admire the talented introvert in the shadows. The world loves an underdog and i'm no different. Although that might change later as i can be quite fickle.

Also Pin The Everyman On The Character is available at stores for $19.99.........