Annoyance

The worst part about writing anything is the start. You have all the ideas swirling around in your head and your fingers are primed and ready to lay a beatdown on your keyboard and type out a work of art (or semi regular blog with ideas above its station). You expect that any second now your computer will be set in flame from the level of friction created by your artistically motivated fingers. But you're not, you're sitting there in front of a blank page trying to think of a fancy way of saying "Once upon a time."

In more recent of times i've thought of life as just a collection lifts that you get on and off (both metaphorical and literal), but that's not right is it?

It's a collection of things that piss you off. (Insert heavy rock music and screeching guitars here)

I mean right from the start i was annoyed that i couldn't find a way to start this blog, you the reader might be annoyed that i half assed the intro with a spiel about how i have trouble starting blogs.

By the end of the blog you may be annoyed by this blog being merely an excuse to write about things that annoyed me recently.

So lets get started shall we. (Don't worry i've shortlisted to 2 annoyances to make this as painless as possible)

Annoyance 1: The visa pay-wave advert

So let me set the scene, you're sitting in the cinema, popcorn on your lap, waiting with baited breath what hollywood has decided to do with the latest work of fiction they've decided to adapt (note: I know hollywood isn't a sentient being and the movie industry is composed of a number of directors, writers and producers in and out of California) and you're sitting through the pre show 'entertainment'.

I'll be honest with you, cynicism aside i actually enjoy the pre show. I like watching trailers, it lets me know what book, graphic novel or popular tv series from the 1980s is being adapted next. As for the ads most of the time i don't find them particularly worthy of my scorn and hatred.

Except one, the visa pay-wave ad. (Feel my wraith)

Basically this ad is set in the weirdest food court that i have ever seen. It is a place that is supposed to evoke post modern 'trendiness' as young professionals sit at round tables eating sushi and drinking coffee. Some young professionals are sitting at their tables and some are in the queue, which is the longest line i have ever seen, it's a neverending line of young professionals, trendy young professionals who all have a latest visa 'innovation'.

This particular inov... i can't even say it, we'll just call it the I word from now on (the I's capitalised, are you happy now?). This particular 'I word' is called the visa pay-wave card. This card has a special chip that when you bring it up to a special visa box it beeps and instead of paying out of your own money $60 gets added to your credit card bill.

Which is fine, if you're a credit card user, in fact security concerns aside this seems pretty convenient if you're on the go.

This is what this ad seeks to portay, in a creepy way.

See remember when i said this was the weirdest food court i have ever seen. It is also the creepiest food court i have ever seen.

Now to signify efficiency everything that happens in the ad happens in time and rythym, the cards of the young professionals in the queue are beeping in a metronome, on the tables you hear synchronised slurping while people click their chopsticks and clank their cups of coffee in time with the metronome created by the endling queue of beeping cards.

It's quite simple. All of the young professionals are robots, they're robots! That is the explanation for the way they act! That or the cards aren't the only thing that have had a chip inserted into them. (It would be funny if this ad turned out to be a science fiction genius down on his luck and writing credit card ads)

But mocking aside the display of convenience and efficiency isn't a bad idea to get behind. But like i said only for someone with a visa card.

Because not all the young professionals have a visa plus cards, not all the young professionals are trendy and have the latest visa plus card.

One guy, a regular bloke, has the gall to pay in cash and to escalate things further, he pays with a $50 note.

As if the audience is all supposed to shout "what a wanker!" (synchronised of course, now that would be creepy)

That's essentially what happens in the ad, everything stops dead and everyone looks up in silence at this simple act of using another form of payment for a transaction, as if to say "look at the one who is not one of us." Even the cashier gets in on the act when she gives him a look as she gives him the change (which I hasten to add took less than 10 seconds), the kind of look you'd give to someone if he wore a shirt that had 'Eva Braun had it coming and Hitler is cuter than kittens.' written on it.

As if to say that credit cards are so efficient that there isn't any point in cash, as if there's no reason not to use a credit cards, which is not accurate in the slightest.

Is this horribly offensive? No, it's trivial at best and most likely i'm overthinking things. However my day can be ruined by seeing this advert.

Annoyance 2: "Based on a true story"

So if you couldn't tell from my last entry, i am not religious, or spiritual, or superstitious. This is not to say that others can't be, it's not skin off my nose what you chose to believe. However beliefs are subjective and while one person believes some things did or did not happen another may not.

Which is why it annoys me when movies of a supernatural nature tell us they were based on a true story.

No, just no. No it wasn't these things didn't happen and you're just trying to make the movie scarier to people who believe in the supernatural.

Which is mean, it's as mean as the medium that tell berieved people that they are speaking to their dead relatives for a palm full of silver.

The idea is that because it's 'based on a true story.' then it's within the realms of possibility that it could happen to you. It's the same of being scared of a bully because he stole someone elses lunch money.

The only way these things are based on a true story is if a crazy woman and a bunch of her crazy friends and a crazy priest thought that the crazy woman had a demon inside of her, or a crazy woman thinks that a creepy dead child is walking around in her house.

The latest trailer i saw with this was for 'The Conjuring', and while the name alone gave me the impression that this movie wasn't going to be particularly good the trailer was decent, a couple of the jump scares caught me by suprise and though i'm not really into that kind of movie it might be a decent watch. Until that phrase came up and totally ruined my impression of the movie.

Y'know what, i actually feel a little better now, like the annoyance of these things have floated away like vapour through a vent. I feel so good i might go look at some youtube comments, ooh a cheerios advert, i'm sure nothing offensive could be said about a cheerios advert.