Superstition

Unbeknownst to you dear readers (i know you're there somewhere), it has come to my attention that i have reached my 666th page view, which while as victories go is relatively minor is a victory none the less. However i am not writing to gloat about my new found success, no, i just found the novelty of reaching this specific number intruiging, and if i was a superstitious i might consider it a bad omen. (i attribute my success to my superior segway skills)

Y'see i'm not superstitious in the slightest, i'm not spiritual, i don't believe in karma and Psychic Tv can go to hell. I am well and truely a skeptic, that said, however skeptical i claim i am, then why to i think that my things are out to get me, so as i write this here in my padded cell, with padded keys because of the incident with the Caps Lock key..........

Of course i jest (it was the space bar), i say this not out of madness but frustration, as much as we may not like to admit it there are things that we can't control. So while it's logical to assume that my phone doesn't have a brain, my internet isn't controlled by skynet and coffee tables weren't sent by satan out of a whimsical hatred of shin bones, it doesn't take away the fact that it has frustrated us, and when we are frustrated we need something or someone to shout at.

When you were younger did you ever hit your head on something (don't lie), i did, and out of anger do you know what i did? I hit back, even as young as i was i realised that this was fruitless and beds from Ikea don't feel pain (although they were actually invented by satan) i still needed to lash out and return the pain that i had just experienced.

Now i'm not saying everyone's still a little more childish than they think they are but.........

Stranger Danger

In the appartment building where i live i have a problem with one of the lifts. Firstly i'll contextualise, this lift, like every other lift in the universe has two sets of buttons, one set on either side, however on one side of this lift the button for my floor doesn't work. Now this isn't a complaint, this is a trivial problem which can easily be solved by using the button on the other side. However things get interesting when there are other people using the lift as they don't know that only one side works.

I think i'm paranoid somewhat, though while it's quite reasonable for me to go for the button to the one side, that's not always the first available option and i worry that it looks weird for me to go for the button that isn't available. So sometimes i do a little acting, i play ignorant, i pretend i don't know that only one button works, look shocked when it doesn't and press the button on the other side.

Why? Because in my mind it's better than simply telling someone "the button for my floor doesn't work." It's the same as when you find yourself in an embarrassing situation and you find you are compelled to yell to onlookers "this isn't what it looks like!" (mind, gutter, out) or "this doesn't usually happen to me!" But you don't you stand there and submissively go on with your business in front of onlookers (maybe you frown, tut or shake your head, so people know you're not happy about the situation)

So what conclusions have i drawn from this? Well firstly that we all care, however small an action or situation is we all care what people think, and secondly despite the leaps and bounds we have made in improving communication, and while by nature we may be social animals, we would rather the odd person misinterpreting a situation than having to talk to a complete stranger. (and i for one blame television)

Cool

I have decided that i will determine my own threshold of when i have become old and unhip, a point of no return if you will. At this point i will deem myself uncool. This will present me with two options a) reject social norms and regard them as the decadent new generation's new fangled fads which aren't as good as the things from my day or, b) delude myself into thinking i've 'still got it' and overcompensate to an embarressing degree.

This threshold i've decided on is simply "when the new norms, fads and culture confuse me so much, i have to stop and have a cup of tea."

However this has presented me with several problems. Firstly i was never particulary hip and cool to begin with (i think that notion went out the window when at the ripe age of 23 i decided to start wearing sweater vests to the pub). Secondly i am already confused by new norms, fads and culture, what the hell is YOLO!?! Seriously! Also a cup of earl grey english breakfast would be great as i'm starting to get a headache.

One thing that has me particulary confused is when people use the number 2 instead of spelling out to or too. It's 2 or 3 letters! Is there really a considerable enough time or space saved when you use 1 or 2 letters less. I mean it's understandable when it's in marketing, it saves money on letters in advert materials. But saving a millisecond when you're telling your mate where to go really can't be that vital.

Now i wouldn't consider myself a grammar nazi, i mean i joke around, but you just need to look and the spelling and structure of this blog to see example of spelling mistakes and bad grammar (that cookie is still in the fridge by the way). But it's not the fact that it's not conforming to time honoured rules of english that have made it possible to people to understand each other for centuries (it's not like that's important or anything). It is merely confusion that any benefit is derived from the time saved typing one or two letters less. I mean i know time is our most important resource (until the next war in the middle east anyway) but this is a little silly. (man i could use a cup of tea)

The moral of the story is.... um, be yourself? As Ke$ha the wisest of public folk says, We r who we r.

P.S Eat your heart out Aesop!